How shall I talk about myself? ............. Parables 727

August 7, 2001

Author Anne Lamott writes about her life, easily admitting her quirks, foibles and bad attitudes. Before hearing her speak at a writers conference, I sat with some people who discussed her style. They clearly thought she is a misfit who reveals far more of her sins than she ought.

Sometimes a close-up confession from another person embarrasses us. While we might hope for friends that are perfect (or at least only slightly flawed), it takes time and a well-developed relationship to accept and understand someone’s darker secrets.

If a stranger tells us too much, we might wince, excuse ourselves, and leave. We don’t want to hear that they lied or stole something or considered murdering their mother or took drugs when they were teenagers. When someone dumps those kinds of things on us, we feel used, like a garbage can.

Everyone wants intimacy with family and friends but how should we react when someone reveals their dirt? What do they want from us? Absolution? Or a pat on the back and a patronizing, “I’m sure you are making it sound much worse than it is.”

My sister tells about confessing to a prayer group that she was not as faithful to God as she would like to be. They said, “Oh, no, not you, you’re okay.” They would not allow her confession and tried to convince her that she was wrong to think that way, never mind say it.

Nevertheless, saying it can be powerful. P. D. James’ mystery story “Innocent Blood” said it. When I finished reading it, I felt as if I had heard the confessions of humanity. The people in the story were fictional yet so real. I knew everything about them. While some goodness showed through (after all, we are made in the image of God), the dark side was revealed in such a way that I wept at the pitiful condition of human beings who are without love or hope.

In contrast, I’ve read a nonfiction book about real people but it tells only their virtue. The story is completely unbelievable because the people are phoney. I could not identify with their perfection. Who can? But when a writer like P. D. James depicts the best and worst in her characters, the story reaches right into our hearts. These fictional people are like us. We see our own best and realize our very worst. We are undone.

That is one reason God asks us to be honest. Certainly confession is necessary for forgiveness but confession also encourages integrity. Those who hear it find it easier to admit that they are often weak also, and prone to sin. An honest confession helps us know we are not alone in our struggle with evil thoughts, words and deeds.

The Bible says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Without confession, there is no forgiveness, no healing, no change. In fact, Scripture also says, “He who covers his sin will not prosper.”

Anne Lamott is a Christian who knows that her goodness comes from the Lord. She is made in His image and being renewed in the image of His Son. Yet she does not boast about herself.

I asked the group who criticized her honesty how could a person write about their own virtue. No one answered. To their credit, they realized that bragging and pride need far more criticism than does humility and integrity.