Gender differences .......... Parables 679

August 8, 2000

A friend of mine related a touching moment after his grown daughter had left home. She came back to tell him how insecure she felt, then cried on his shoulder. He remarked, “Even after they leave home, you never stop being a parent.”

Some human needs seem to be universal. Who doesn’t want to be significant and needed? Who doesn’t want a sense of security?

Gender differences is a controversial and blurry area but the issue of significance seems more a priority for men while security seems to be a stronger need in the hearts of women.

Some think that men and women are alike from birth and conditioned to behave differently as they grow up. Traditionally, girls were given dolls and boys played with trucks; girls were allowed emotions and boys told not to cry. Others are less concerned with the origin of those differences and more determined to eliminate them. They say men ought to stay at home with the children; women can provide the primary income. Others propose that two men or two women can be the “parents” and eliminate from a couple relationship the other gender entirely.

The Bible account sheds light on these theories. The creation story starts with God noticing that “it is not good for the man to be alone.” He created woman as a suitable mate for him. He said, “a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” God intended a united couple, one man and one woman.

But even with that in place, the differences mess up unity. For one thing, both want to be the boss. (Be honest; you know it’s true!) This is enough conflict in itself, never mind that men and women have different ideas how to do things and often misunderstand each other.

The differences were not supposed to cause problems. God knew men needed a mate suitable for them, to help them where they need help. For instance, women nurture more easily; for many it is second nature. Many men are less interested in relationships and more concerned with their work and earning a living.

However, instead of letting these differences cause conflict, God wanted gender interdependence. In my friends situation, the daughter’s need for security and the father’s need for significance came together. They illustrate, at least for me, that gender differences do not mean that we have to fight over who is the best or who is the most powerful but that we can be what the other person needs.

The Bible says God created us both in His likeness. Even though we are male or female, we are like God by creation. That likeness has been marred by our rebellion against Him, yet God has offered redemption. He promises that those who come to Him for salvation from sin will receive a new nature.

In fact, God has offered us eternal life and, “This life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.”

With the life of Christ we have the beginning of that restored image and getting along with the opposite gender is made easier. The complexities do not disappear nor the challenges of figuring out the differences, yet the Spirit of Christ produces a unity that is otherwise impossible. This unity is no based on being exactly the same but having the same desires and goals: to live in Christian harmony and together reflect the image of our Creator.